1. Go round to a clients house, promise them the world and an unrealistic price they will get for their house and all the publications your house will appear in (not forgetting to cough, cross fingers behind back, completely forget to say that it will be only for the first 3 minutes of the contract) IF they choose me. Easy, it's called 'lying through your teeth'...easy, as the 'Fosters' ad says " it's what separates us from the animals"!
2. Take crappy photographs. No problem, taken them all my life, not one framed effort of mine in my house.
3. Sit in local Solihull town centre pub for 4 weeks then phone client to ask him to drop the price as 'the market is in a downward spiral and the £250,000 they had valued the house at is now slightly over value. Would they reconsider dropping it to £99,000. Obviously forgetting to tell them that it is getting periously close to the end of the financial year and the sale contributes to the annual bonus and a possible new car (Audi TT of course) with which to impress female office staff (they all have the previous years Audi TT's).
4. Bingo, house sold, £30,000, it's the market at the moment and be pleased you got that. "Now do you mind phoning around the legal departments, solicitors and even the new owner as we have lots to do and won't keep you informed...nudge, nudge, wink, wink, the new Audi TT worked and shipping myself and Chantelle the new 'liaison manager' of to0 Paris for the weekend, it's a French propery convention honest, don't tell the wife!".
5. "Have you got a completion date yet, no, why not, OK...let us know when you have and we will send someone to take the 'SOLD' sign down....in the next couple of months, any problems you know where to find us...The Masons Arms. Thanks for your business, please use us again!"
Easy life. Chantelle is a fictional name by the way used to protect someones privacy...her real name's Fiona.
Estate agents hard at work yesterday !
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